Reflecting on my Asian Identity by Zoey

During May, the month celebrating Asian American and Pacific Islander culture and identity, I found myself reflecting on the ebbs and flows of my relationship with my Asian heritage. My mom is from upstate New York and has European ancestry—German, French, and British. My dad was born in South Korea and immigrated to the United States with his family when he was very young. I grew up knowing that I was mixed race, but I did not always know how to understand this identity from a social, cultural, or political perspective.

As a child, I had many questions. What option should I choose when asked to identify my race if I could only select one? Could I fully claim an Asian identity if I was technically only half Korean? Should I identify as Caucasian/White? None of these options captured the full picture. Then there were the questions from others. How should I respond when people asked where I was from? I knew what they were really asking: Why do you look like that? Did they realize they were subtly implying that I was not American, even though I was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico? Sometimes these questions felt like harmless curiosity; other times, they felt pointed.

I have always felt that my identity existed in the in-between. I did not feel quite “Asian enough,” but I also did not see myself as “White,” even though my mom’s family and cultural values had the strongest influence on who I am as a person. I did not often see myself or my experiences represented in Asian representation in media or in my graduate-level History of Race in America class. My brother has a Korean name and had a traditional 100-day ceremony, but I did not. I resemble my Korean grandmother, yet I do not speak Korean or have a strong connection to my Korean extended family.

At the same time, I have an abiding respect, appreciation, and gratitude for the traditional food, medicine, and healing practices found in Korea and many other Asian cultures. Still, my upbringing and current life most closely resemble a middle-class American experience. As if trying to balance a scale, I found myself weighing all of these different factors to determine whether my Asian identity was valid.

Since opening my practice in 2024, I have been honored to work with many people who hold Asian identities. Some seek me out hoping to find someone who can relate to their experiences on a personal level. Because my own sense of cultural identity has often felt ambiguous and difficult to explain, I initially worried about whether I had the “right” kind of Asian identity for my clients. What I have found, however, is that every Asian-identified person I have worked with has a nuanced and deeply personal relationship with their cultural identity.

Whether through adoption, immigration, seeking refuge from violence, generational differences, and/or navigating the dominant culture in the United States, many of these clients have experienced uncertainty and conflict in how they relate to their identities. They have had to reckon with the assumptions others make about what their Asian identity means about them. Some have grappled with how and whether to integrate traditional family values into their lives while also embracing Western perspectives. Some have felt disconnected from their cultural heritage and longed for a deeper connection to their roots, while others have not felt that same desire.

Hearing these perspectives helped me understand my own identity as less of an outlier and more as one story within a constellation of many unique and multifaceted experiences of what it means to be Asian. My identity does not need to fit neatly into a single category to be meaningful or valid. Instead, it exists alongside countless other stories, each shaped by history, family, culture, and personal experience.

I am grateful to every person who has helped me see just how expansive this sky truly is.