Finding my way through postpartum by Sarah
Being a first-time mom and navigating postpartum is an experience no one can truly prepare you for. But being the Type A person that I am, I certainly tried. I read the books, listened to the podcasts, asked friends about their experiences, Googled far too much, took online and in-person classes, and did everything I could to create the "right" support system before my daughter arrived.
I had heard about postpartum depression, but didn’t know a ton about postpartum anxiety or OCD (as a mental health therapist, you would think I would have known about this, right?). The moment my daughter was born, anxiety washed over me like a tidal wave. I found myself caught in an endless cycle of fear, constantly worrying about her health, her safety, and whether I was doing enough. How do I keep her alive? What if she's in distress and I can't soothe her? Is she eating enough? Sleeping enough? Why does she hate the car so much? Is it normal that bouncing her on a yoga ball is the only thing that calms her? Every evening, I could feel my heart race as bedtime approached, knowing another night of uncertainty was ahead. As the days turned into weeks, I struggled to find my footing during one of the biggest transitions of my life.
As a therapist, I spend my days supporting others through life's hardest moments. I understand the importance of connection, community, and asking for help. But knowing those things and allowing yourself to receive them are two very different experiences.
One of my closest friends told me about Josie's Grace, a four week grant funded program designed to support and care for postpartum women as they navigate this time in their life. I reluctantly signed up, feeling anxious and panicked about not only being out in the world with my newborn alone but having to drive 30 minutes to get to the program. Would my baby be okay in the car screaming for 30 minutes? Could I tolerate hearing her cry for that long without having a complete panic attack myself?
Looking back, attending Josie's Grace was exactly what I needed. From the very first session, I felt seen, understood, and supported without judgment. I could finally breathe. I was able to slow down the racing thoughts, connect with other new mothers, and learn to trust that my little baby was actually quite resilient and not as fragile as I had believed. I found confidence and bravery within myself as a new mother and was able to regain trust in my own maternal instincts. Each week, I left the program feeling nourished emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Attending Josie’s Grace reminded me of something I have always believed: that healing happens in connection and having your vulnerability met with compassion has the power to transform you. Whether you're becoming a parent, grieving a loss, navigating illness, facing a major life transition, or simply carrying more than you can hold on your own, we are not meant to do it in isolation.
I will always be grateful for the Josie’s Grace program, for the women who made it possible, and for the way it shaped my postpartum experience by showing me that I was stronger, more capable, and never as alone as my anxiety made me believe.