French Lessons from Nan
May 2025
About three years ago, I decided that I was going to resurrect my study of the French language. Over the years my spoken French had deteriorated. I could barely put a sentence together despite having achieved a high level of fluency in my twenties. I wanted my French back! As I procrastinated, the universe found me Julia, an adorable and très intelligent Parisian tutor. My son Gabe said, “You have to do this, mom!” Not willing to seem wimpy, I agreed to a weekly session in conversation.
Sitting with Julia trying to communicate was super hard. In between sessions, I studied vocabulary, grammar, and writing, and listened to podcasts on my daily commute. That too was challenging. But honestly, the hit on my ego was the worst. Accustomed to being proficient and confidant in most spheres, I blundered forth, spewing incorrect phrases, forgetting, and making the same mistakes over and over. It was all so humbling.
I hit a low point after returning from a two-week immersion course in France. As I resumed my lessons, I discovered that my French was not one bit better than before I left. Ugh! My profound disappointment eventually led to an awareness that my approach to learning was all wrong. It was like I was racing up a mountain, totally obsessed with getting to the summit. Very familiar for a high achiever, but stressful and only fun when I rocked it. There was way too much strain and competitive striving, which weakened my spirit and affected my mood.
I decided at that moment to completely change my approach. I worked on letting go of the need for mastery. I turned my attention to the process of learning. Instead of racing to the top, I walked, looked around, and took it all in. The path was still rocky, but there was sun, fresh air, and so many interesting things to experience.
It’s been eight months since my epiphany, and although I still struggle sometimes, it’s working well. I am relaxed, interested, and even joyful as I find new ways to make myself understood. Julia and I laugh a lot, and she’s become a good friend. I’m not sure how much “progress” I’ve made, but it’s way more fun this way. I recommend it.